I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
