just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
