I could have mohawked her pubes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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