Your face is a jimmy john
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
