We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
