xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
