um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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