I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
