Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
