you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
