Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
