They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
