my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
