she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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