I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
