sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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