Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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