U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
