You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
