I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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