Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
