My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
