I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i out mim tonsoeep
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