if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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