I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
