I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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