What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
