i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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