Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Church boner. Awkwardddd
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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