I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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