I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
