Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
