so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
