guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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