I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
