found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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