It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
