she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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