i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I deserve this hangover.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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