I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
