sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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