i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
