Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
