There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
