I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we should paint friendship bongs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
