they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
