we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
