My sheets look like a crime scene.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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