I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
