I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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