Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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