Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
