you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
