Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
