i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
