Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
