you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
