A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
