the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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