you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
