got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's official drugs can't kill me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
