I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
