Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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