im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
