Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
there is puke in my bra ... again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
