Midget sex pt 2 tonight
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
