Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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