Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
