I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
