He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
