so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
