when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
