Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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