Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
